Discerning Our Kids’ Needs Series
Today, we wrap up our Discerning What Our Kids Need through 1 Thessalonians 5:14 series. Up until this point in the series, we have walked through a starting point for discerning what our kids need, how to warn our unruly kids, how to comfort our discouraged kids and how to support our weak kids. Now, we will bind all of those responses to our kids’ needs in a blanket of patience. As our verse says, “And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the faint hearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”
How exactly can we be patient with all people? Let’s wade deeper into this concept of patience. When we look at the Greek, we see that the root of this verb has the idea of being long spirited or not losing heart. It is then defined as forbearing (to bear with), long suffering, and has the idea of persevering or endurance and bravery within it. It is found a few times within the New Testament as it used in descriptions of what our conduct should look like and what God’s character is. It should also be noted that if we further mine this word, it can mean to be patient in the face of something, like troubles or being provoked. Additionally, the phrase “with them all” has the idea of everyone/anyone individually. This means there is in inequity in who we are to exhibit patience toward.
1 Corinthians 13:4
Overview
This is, likely, the most familiar passage to most of us regarding patience. Chapter 13 is often called the love chapter. While many recite it at weddings, it was first meant as instruction from Paul to the church at Corinth. There were relational struggles within the church of quarrels and resulting division. The entire chapter outlines what love truly looks like. Another way we could say this is that as a Fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23, the fruit of love will taste like each of the descriptions listed in this chapter. For the purposes of our study, verse 4, states that “love is patient.” Our world is constantly defining and redefining love. Our Heavenly Father gives us a clear picture of how the sweet aroma and flavor of love should be experienced by others, and one of those flavor notes is patience which is a Fruit of the Spirit itself. Don’t miss that this description of love was perfectly lived out by Jesus Himself. Therefore, Jesus was perfectly patient.
Take Aways
· Love looks like patience.
· Patience (the noun version of the same word we are studying) is a Fruit of the Spirit.
· One way our love can be experienced by others is practicing patience.
· The definition of love includes patience.
2 Peter 3:9
Overview
This verse states, “The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” In the larger context, this is Peter’s second letter to the churches. In this letter, he addresses issues of Christian living which include, being on guard against false teachers, some of whom denied the coming of the Day of the Lord. Peter defends Christ’s promise to return, explaining with a bit of an admonishment or correction that God’s timeline is not ours. What the church falsely saw as slowness or dare I say, God taking too long, was God’s patience towards the unrepentant. God desired to save sinners, and He would wait until all had been reached.
Take Aways
· God is patient with the unrepentant, perfectly so.
· At the heart of God’s patience is a desire for mankind to not have to experience the penalty of sin, which is death.
· God’s forbearance with unrepentant is motivated by desiring gospel informed repentance.
· Remember that the unrepentant are those who are hostile to God, those who don’t believe Him, those who provoke Him with their disbelief.
Some Other Considerations:
· When it comes to patience, at the heart of this word is the idea of endurance. We begin to see that living out this kind of patience involves the character trait of self-control (a Fruit of the Spirit).
· Patience is displayed when we exhibit that self-control as responders vs. reactors. Consider for a moment the role of a first responder vs. a volcanic eruption as an illustration. A first responder acquires knowledge and skills on how to respond to varying emergency circumstances. The first responder then takes that knowledge and those skills and applies them on the spot after a quick analysis of the situation set before them. As time goes on, their responses become habits as they gain experience. There will always be times when an emergency is more complex, but for the most part, they come to know by heart and act with confidence to get the situation to a place of stability. The result is that those involved are helped in some way. A volcano on the other hand only needs the right circumstances and it will erupt. There will be signs that the eruption is inevitable, like emission of gas and steam, magma rising and tremors. Eventually, there is the point of no return where lava pours forth, smoke plumes out and then the ash weighs on everything that surrounds it like a heavy blanket of grey. The result is great harm to anything within its reach. Whatever it touches is harmed in some way.
· Unfortunately, when we react, and don’t respond, what explodes out of us is unrighteous anger. Sometimes, we minimize this and call it being annoyed or irritated, but these are just synonyms for varying forms of anger.
· This means that the opposite of patience is unrighteous anger. If we are looking to put off unrighteous anger or impatience, we need a heart transplant. Our heart of unrighteous anger and impatience needs to be replaced with longsuffering that is self-controlled even in the face of provocation.
Evaluating Our Parenting Attitude
1. As you asses your child’s needs, warn, comfort and support your children is your attitude one of love that overflows in not losing heart?
2. Is your practice of patience in your home equally exercised with all your children? Or are you more patient with some children than others?
3. Does your patience flow from a heart of courage or bravery?
4. Is your correction, especially in the case of warning your child, motivated by a deep heart desire for your child to live gospel I informed repentance that leads him/or to salvation or sanctifying growth?
5. Does the growing patience in your heart give you the heart perspective that all the needs in this series are opportunities to preach the gospel to your children desiring that none should perish?
6. Is your heart growing in love and self-control (all part of the Fruit of the Spirit) as it informs your patience? Is your love and self-control strengthening your forbearance?
7. Is your heart attitude one that look at your kids’ needs as a hindrance in your going about your day or privilege to be a part of God’s plan to disciple your child?
Evaluating Our Parenting Method
1. As you asses your child’s needs, warn, comfort and support your children do you bear up when they display provoking or hostile behaviors & heart attitudes?
2. While assessing your child’s needs, warning, comforting, and supporting your children, when they sin against you or others in your home and have an unrepentant heart are you long suffering like our Savior?
3. Does your warning, comforting, and supporting of your unruly, discouraged or weak child regularly include presentation of specific gospel truths or the gospel itself?
4. Are you a biblical “first responder” or “eruptor” when it comes to the circumstances of assessing your children’s needs or warning, encouraging, and supporting your children?
5. Does your addressing your children’s needs look like unrighteous anger, annoyance, or irritation?
Bringing it Home: From Mind to Heart to Home
· What has God put on your heart as you have learned what His word states about practicing patience with your children and others in your greater believing community when they need to be warned, encouraged or supported? What has God laid on your heart in your self-evaluation of your parenting attitudes and methods when it comes to patience? Spend some time in prayer considering these two questions. Psalm 139:23-24 might be helpful to pray through:
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
· After, I read through the verses about patience, I was overwhelmed by God’s patience for us as sinners. Before I was a believer, I know I was hostile to God, and even after salvation, there are so many moments when His ways irritate me, but He patiently teaches and pursues me through His word, His people and His plan (the circumstances of my life) to keep at His good work in me and my children.
· God calls us to be long suffering with our children. He has given you everything you need in His word, through prayer and His enabling to, in patience, disciple your child well in all circumstances no matter what their needs may be.
· In the next week, try some of the following ideas to grow in patience as you discover and address your child’s needs. What follows are ideas on strengthening your patience before, during and after:
Before:
Pray for compassion and gentleness as you speak the truth in love. Pray for understanding and discernment concerning your child’s needs. Pray that God will give you a heart of service, self-control, and love as you interact with your child.
Find a key Bible verse or two to pray through before or write it down to refer to during your interactions with serving your child. Some ideas are: Romans 12:12, Colossians 3:12 & Ephesians 4:2-3.
Consider listening to a song if you need encouragement:
· To have a heart of love as you serve in your home: Love Like Jesus by The Rhett Walker Band
· If you are weary from repetitively dealing with your child’s struggle : My Prayer for You by Alisa Turner
· If you are struggling to trust God and His ways: Perfect Wisdom of Our God by Keith & Kristyn Getty
During:
Begin your time with your child letting them know of the great love you have for them. Consider: looking them in the eyes (possibly getting down on their level if they are smaller), holding their hand, putting an arm around them as you talk with them. Create an atmosphere of intimacy and care. (If your child has different needs when it comes to physical touch, think on how they receive love well, and express it in that manner).
Pray with your child before you address their need and ask God to help you with your temptation to be impatient/irritated/annoyed. Let your child see your neediness before God as well. Doing this before your pray for their struggle is the best way to start your prayer time as you are modeling going before God with humility. Thank God for the saving and sanctifying work in both of you.
Encourage your child to practice patience too as you both work through talking through their need. Here is a favorite song of ours. We often sing the chorus to each other as a gentle reminder:
Have Patience (This is a cartoon episode where the Music Machine teaches the Fruit of the Spirit to children. Fast forward to 9:40 to only hear the song on patience.)
While you work through the process of discerning and addressing your kids’ needs outlined in this series’ previous posts, keep your key verse at hand, referring to it when you are struggling to remain calm and have a gentle serving heart.
If you are still struggling with patience, honestly and simply explain to your child that you are going to step away for a moment to ask God for help in prayer. Here is a prayer you can recite if you can’t find your own words:
Lord, change my heart. I do not want to help my child in the ways that you have clearly outlined in your word. I am struggling with anger/I am struggling with being inconvenienced and wanting to follow my plan for my day/I am struggling with weariness in addressing this need repetitively/ I am struggling with__________________. You promise to be strong in my weakness. Please strengthen my patience so that it looks like love and self-control. As I try to be patient help me remember Your patience with me, that Your sovereign plan for my day is to serve my children in their needs and in doing so grow my own faith as I obey You. Thank you for dying for my sin of impatience. May I live out a heart of gratitude to be a part of your plan to show Christ to my children in this situation today.
Return when you are calm begin again or continue from where you left off. Thank your child for being patient with you when you left.
End your time with your child letting them know of the great love you have for them. Consider: looking them in the eyes (possibly getting down on their level if they are smaller) and giving them a big hug.
After:
Do a self-check from time to time: think through how you are doing in the realm of practicing patience.
If you begin to realize this a regular struggle for you, consider:
keeping a journal to record your moments of weakness in this area and gain a better understanding of the circumstances where this struggle often arises.
Ask your spouse or a close friend if they can pray for you in this area of struggle. Pray with your family about it regularly.
Find an accountability partner to check in regularly with to aid in further growth in this area.
Praise God for His work in you when you see growth in practicing patience. Involve your family and believing friends into this praise.
Repetition is a huge part of the life of a growing believer. Expect to go through this process more than once.
This concludes the Discerning Our Kids’ Need Series in the Biblical Topics Toolkit. Within those five posts we addressed how we can Biblically discern our kids’ needs, warn our unruly child, encouraged our fainthearted child, support our weak child and all while growing in patience.
*Resources used for reference: www.blueletterbible.org (Including, Strong’s, Vine’s Expository Dictionary, Thayer’s Greek Lexicon); https://sciencing.com/early-signs-volcano-going-erupt-8013792.html.