Read the Bible Passage:
“Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.” Ephesians 4:28 (ESV)
Bible Passage Overview:
In Ephesians 4, Paul is challenging believers to live differently, specifically to not live as if they were not saved. In the immediate verses surrounding verse 28, he further insists, that part of what will change about the believer is their one-anothering, how they treat others, how they relate to people.
That brings us to our verse, 28, where he confronts the thief to put off his/her stealing ways. Notice that there is no neutral behavior as a believer and that do not steal is not the end goal. God holds us to a higher standard than Christians being non stealers. In fact, Paul gives us the next right steps, if we struggle with stealing. First, we are to become an honest or useful and happy laborer. This takes time to become someone who works diligently and happily. This work ethic is character building. Building character take intentionality and sincere effort. Notice that while this type of character building is important and good, it is not simply a matter of replacing the bad behavior of stealing with the good behavior of working hard. It’s not simply a matter of stop stealing, be a hard worker and then spend your money on whatever you want—just don’t steal. Rather, after we have come to understand the value of hard work and earning money from it, we are urged to be givers. Our giving should look like us being aware of the needs of others and sharing what we have. So, at the heart of the issue of the one who steals is someone who doesn’t understand the value of hard work or sharing. This requires a change of attitude in the heart of the thief to one of discipline & diligence in their personal actions and compassion as they interact with others. The end goal is heart change that results in behavioral change. Ideally, we work hard and happily, we earn and honest wage, and we are aware of the needs of those around us and joyfully share from our earnings. God desires for the thief to be transformed into a compassionate, cheerful giver. This is what he wants for the heart of your child that struggles with stealing too.
Young Hearts Knowing Truth:
Read/have child read Ephesians 4:28 to you.
Talk through the meaning of the passage as explained above, having your child answer these key comprehension questions:
What does God tell us in this verse that He does NOT want us to do? (“steal”)
What does God tell us in this verse that He DOES want us to do? (work & share what we earned from working)
What is our work supposed to look like? (honest-this can also be translated useful, pleasant, happy, good and shows that what is going on in the heart of the individual matters)
Young Hearts Applying Truth:
Talk through these key application questions:
Did you steal?
When you stole ______ was that wrong? (If they don’t know or don’t think it was wrong read Exodus 20:15 to clarify this/help them admit their wrongdoing).
What did your stealing look like? (Have them explain the events that took place, do not interrupt or correct at this time. This will give you and your child insight into what circumstances are tempting to your child and will allow them to know they can talk to you freely and be heard).
What were you feeling when you stole? What did you want/were hoping for in your heart and why did you want/hope for it? (This will give you and your child insight into the inner working of your child’s heart motivations).
Did you get what you wanted? (Talk through the results of what actually happened vs. their perception—Was someone hurt (physically or feelings)? Was there an argument? Was any property harmed? This will enable your child to process that s/he may/may not have gotten what they wanted, but at what expense? This would be the time when you would make corrections regarding their side of the story so that they may face the reality of the situation).
Pray together. Have the child ask for forgiveness of the sin of stealing and any harm s/he may have done to any individuals involved. Have the child ask for help to change. Thank God for the forgiveness of this sin through Jesus’ death on the cross.
Have the child seek forgiveness from the individual s/he stole from.
Young Hearts Training in Righteousness:
Explain that you will work together to help your child with this struggle of stealing in the next week. Explain that just as athlete (pick a sport your child knows/loves) has to practice, build muscle and eat healthy to be good at their sport. We have to practice to be more and more like Jesus. This is called training in righteousness. Read 1 Corinthians 9:25 with your child.
Have your child do an extra chore (different from any regular chores the child has in your family life). This is NOT a punishment. The child is learning how to be a good worker. Have the child do the work a few times over a week paying them for working diligently and with the right attitude.
At the end of the week of completing this chore efficiently, have the child talk through their feelings and thoughts about the chore, and receiving wages.
Ask your child what are some of the things money is used for (to pay bills, buy our needs and wants, give to others).
Then talk through some charities (your church, etc.), or a person that is in need. Allow your child to pick the need and give a percentage of their earnings toward it. As much as possible, let your child be the one who literally gives—putting the money in the offering or donation jar or being the one to move and click the mouse over the buttons to donate online.
Tips & Clarifications:
Remember this is not a punishment. This is training in righteousness. Use that terminology when you interact with your child.
Prayer and time are your friends in parenting. You will, likely, experience resistance on the part of your child. Pray with your child, asking God to change their heart attitude to desire to be like Jesus. Encourage them to pray too, asking God for help. Give them some time/a break to think and come back and try again, if you need to. Thank God together in prayer when their heart seems to soften, giving Jesus the credit for that softening.
Training in righteousness is not about forcing a child’s heart to change. It may not. There will, likely, be much repetition. Our job is not changing the hearts of our children. Our responsibility is faithful planting and watering, and let God do the work of growing the good seed of the gospel in our children. (For more on this, see article: Parenting is Planting and Growing).
For older children, this may be a good time to discuss the concept of restitution (replacing someone’s lost or stolen property) especially if the stolen item is lost, harmed or ruined in some way. Also, you may want have the chore be that of the sibling (whom they stole from) to illustrate that our one-anothering (how we are to live in community together) should look like serving (Mark 10:43-45) not interacting with others as means of selfish gain, like stealing (Philippians 2:3-4).
Expect to revisit this verse and exercises. Training isn’t a one-time deal. Parenting looks like telling the truth to our kids over and over again. Each repetition of the truth will encourage more understanding as their development continues.
*Resources used for reference: www.blueletterbible.org (Including, Strong’s, Vine’s Expository Dictionary, Thayer’s Greek Lexicon).