Discerning Our Kids’ Needs Series
Three weeks ago, we looked at 1 Thessalonians 5:14 and discovered that Paul urged us to support the weak. This word, weak, can be translated infirm, feeble, sick. Its literal meaning is strengthless and this lack of strength can be physical or moral. It is used several times in the New Testament to denote those who are ill, those who are spiritually immature, and possibly those who aren’t believers.
The idea of support here means to hold oneself opposite of another in order to pay careful attention to or observation of, to have regard for, cleave to, endure with or hold firm to a person. It’s only used a few times in the New Testament. Let’s dive into a couple of passages to give ourselves a broader understanding of this word.
The Luke16:13/Matthew 6:24- Parable of the Dishonest Manager:
Overview:
o In the previous verses of this chapter, Jesus teaches his disciples a parable. Parables are simple stories that
illustrate a spiritual truth. The story here is of a rich man who discovers that his manager is misspending his money. The rich man thinks he must fire the manager. The manger then financial situation better, he praises the manager.
o Jesus then pulls three lesson out of this story. The first is that like the manger we should use our expertise to make friends for ourselves, even in difficult circumstances (vs. 9). Second, that unlike the manager we shouldn’t use money unrighteously (vs.8). Lastly, that like the manager we should use money in a manner that considers the future.
o Jesus, then, goes back and forth in verses 10-13 considering monetary wealth and spiritual wealth. He encourages the disciples to be generous and faithful with their earthly possessions which have been given to them by God. He clarifies that true riches aren’t monetary at all, but spiritual. He then states the impossibility of serving two masters. Due to idolatry, mankind can either serve God or money, not both. It is in this verse, in Luke 16:13, and a parallel verse in Matthew that Jesus says,” No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one, and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.”
o Our word “support” is translated in this text as “devoted.”
Take Aways:
o Support looks like devotion or being earnestly attached to a cause.
o Support assumes serving.
o The opposite of support or devotion is despising.
Titus 1:9-Qualifications for Elders:
Overview:
o At the very end of a list of qualifications for eldership, Paul states, “He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.”
o During this time, the first and last items on a list are emphasized as the most important.
o Our word “support” is translated in this text as “hold firm.”
Take Aways:
o Support looks like physical action.
o Support is not passive.
Evaluating Our Parenting Attitude
1. Am I devoted to my child in their (bodily/spiritual/unsaved) weakness? Or put another way, if my child’s weakness were a cause, am I earnestly attached to it?
2. Is my support done with a servant like attitude or do I despise/feel annoyed when serving my child in their weakness?
Evaluating Our Parenting Method
1. Can I honestly, and humbly identify the weaknesses in my children? (We all have
them!)
2. Do I pay careful attention to and observe my child to understand:
a. the intricacies of their weakness? (What does it look like? How do they feel about it? Are they aware of it?)
b. what are the best ways to support them now that I understand their weakness thoroughly?
3. Does my support take action? Is it intentional and not passive? Or put another way, do I feel concern in my heart for my child, but have little follow through?
4. Does my support of my child ask my child if the support I offer is helpful? (In order to support, we must first find out what it is actually supportive to the individual in need of help.)
Bringing it Home: From Mind to Heart to Home
What has God put on your heart as you have learned what His word states about supporting your children and others in your greater believing community? What has God laid on your heart in yourself-evaluation of your parenting attitudes and methods when it comes to supporting? Spend some time in prayer considering these two questions. Psalm 139:23-24 might be helpful to pray through:
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
After, I read through the verses about supporting, I was struck by the fact that this idea of support/devotion/holding firm is only used on these three occasions. In summary, we are to hold firm to those who are weak, God’s trustworthy word and God Himself. Obviously, our holding firm to God and His word is of the utmost importance. However, the importance of serving in our community of believer’s and more specifically in our home is of high secondary importance.
God calls us to biblically support our children. He has given you everything you need in His word and through prayer to disciple your child in their weaknesses well. Support really seems to be all about studying our kids until we know them well. This may require help from professionals like doctors and counselors who have studied a particular weakness (medical, cognitive, etc.) in more depth. We take action based on that knowledge and get feedback from those we are attempting to support. We seek to find out what has been supportive when it comes to that weakness whether it be bodily, spiritual or being unsaved.
In the next week, try some of the following ideas to help before, during and after supporting your children:
o Before:
Pray for compassion and gentleness as you speak the truth in love. Talking about our weaknesses is hard for all of us because both parties have to work their humility muscles. Pray for understanding and discernment concerning your child’s weakness.
Find a key Bible verse or two to talk and pray through with your child that addresses their weakness and your desire to support them. Some key verses, depending on your child’s weakness (physical, cognitive, spiritual, etc.), are as follows: Psalm 121:1&2, Philippians 4:13, 2 Corinthians 12:9; Isaiah 40:28-31,Psalm 139, Psalm 19:7.
If this is a time where you need some reminders too. Consider listening to a song if you need encouragement to remember your
home is a mission field for the gospel: Let it Start with Me by No Other Name
daily work in your home is for the Lord: A Worker’s Prayer by Keith & Kristyn Getty
o During:
Begin your time with your child letting them know of the great love you have for them. Consider: looking them in the eyes (possibly getting down on their level if they are smaller), holding their hand, putting an arm around them as you talk with them. Create an atmosphere of intimacy and care. (If your child has different needs when it comes to physical touch, think on how they receive love well, and express it in that manner).
Listen to a worship song together, especially one that speaks of who God is, like, His
might, His ability to strengthens us and how we were created by Him. Here are a
couple:(for older kids) My Help Comes from You by King & Country
(for younger kids, with motions) All in All
Pray with you child asking God to help you both with your weaknesses. Don’t be afraid to share a weakness you have and need regular prayer for. Invite them to pray, but don’t demand it. It may be more comfortable for them to pray for your weakness at first.
Talk through your key verse or verses.
Read out loud or have your child read it.
Here’s a video of a possible passage to talk through: The Good Samaritan
Ask them what they think the verse(s) means.
Explain to them that you want to support them. (In my example: like the good Samaritan supported the injured man. You don’t want to ignore their struggle; you want to serve them.)
Ask them what area of their life they need support in right now. What do think their weaknesses are?
Provide gospel hope in their area of weakness. We often talk, in our home, about how God uses our weaknesses to make us like Jesus, as an opportunity to serve each other and to rely on Him. Also, we chat about how there will be no more weakness in heaven. Dream together about what heaven will be like.
Acknowledge that when it comes to hard “why” questions about our weaknesses, we don’t have all the answers, but we do have a God we can run to with our kids by our side. Go to Him together. Bring your emotions and doubts. He can handle it. He offers His presence and strength in our weaknesses. We can trust Him when we don’t understand.
End your time with your child letting them know of the great love you have for them. Consider: looking them in the eyes (possibly getting down on their level if they are smaller) and giving them a big hug.
o After:
Check in with your child from time to time: ask them how they think they are doing. Ask them if you can pray for them when you see them struggling in their weakness.
Praise the work of God in them when you see them remembering God’s promises about strengthening them, being made by God or humbly asking for help.
Repetition is a huge part of parenting. Expect to go through this process more than once.
The next post in the Biblical Topics Toolkit will continue to walk through the Discerning What Our Kid Needs Series addressing how we can Biblically practice patience with our children whether they are unruly, discouraged or weak.
*Resources used for reference: www.blueletterbible.org (Including, Strong’s, Vine’s Expository Dictionary, Thayer’s Greek Lexicon).