Help! How Do I Comfort My Kid? — Christina M. Clardy

Help! How Do I Comfort My Kid?

Two weeks ago, we learned that Paul urged us in 1 Thessalonians 5:14 to comfort the feebleminded. When we look at the word feebleminded, it can also be translated fainthearted, little spirited, or despondent. It has the literal meaning of small souled. Comfort can also be translated as speaking to someone in order to calm them or with the intention of soothing, consoling or encouraging.

This form of the word comfort is used three other times in the New Testament. We can find it in Paul’s book to the Thessalonians and in the book of John. Let’s see how the use of this word better informs our understanding of it.

John 11: Mary, Martha & the death of Lazarus.

o Overview:

Jesus is close to Mary, Martha & Lazarus who are brother and sisters. Lazarus dies due to illness. The Jewish community come to Mary & Martha in their home to “comfort” them in their grief over their brother’s death (vs. 19).
During their (the Jews) ministry of comforting in the home, Mary stays home while Martha goes out to meet Jesus on the outskirts of town, whom she heard was coming soon. After speaking with Jesus, Martha has a private conversation with Mary telling her that Jesus had arrived and had called for her. Mary quickly goes to him. The Jews who were ministering to Mary, mistakenly, think she is going to Lazarus’ grave to mourn and follow her (vs.31).

o Take Aways:

Ministering comfort to others happens in community. This community knew the needs of these sisters.
Comfort should be occurring when grief is involved.
Ministering comfort looks like offering your presence to another.
Ministering comfort naturally occurs in the safety of the home or other safe places.
Ministering comfort looks like pursuing others to the place of anticipated need.

1 Thessalonians 2:11&12.

o Overview:

Paul and his ministry team “comforted” the Thessalonian believers “like a Father with his children.”
This comfort occurred as the Thessalonians tried to live like people who belonged to God, who live in His kingdom and have hope in their future glory with Him.

o Take Aways:

Comfort looks fatherly. This word has the idea of nourishing, protecting and upholding.
Comfort is needed in the context of believers trying to live their life for God, resembling people who belong to God’s kingdom, showing God is working through them, and remembering their future hope of glory with Him in heaven.

Evaluating Our Parenting Attitude:

1. Is my attitude when consoling my child’s discouraged heart “fatherly”? Does it look to nourish? Does it look to protect? Does it look like support that keeps my child from sinking or defending my child?

Evaluating Our Parenting Methods:

1. Do I look at comforting as an activity that happens in community? Do I comfort others (both my immediate and church family)? Do I allow others to serve my children and I in the ministry of comforting? Why do I think this is/isn’t true?

2.Do I approach others, specifically my children, in their grief and offer them my presence to console them and mourn with them? Why do I think this is/isn’t true?

3. Do I minister comfort in a safe place like home, church, etc.?

4. When I minister comfort to others, specifically my children, is it a comfort that pursues to the place of need?

5. Do I minister comfort not just in the time of grave need, but also in the times of every day Christian living? Does the comfort in these times look like me reminding my children that they are one of God’s people (a child of God), that God is a mighty King that has a plan, and that Christians have a future glorious hope?

Bringing it Home:

What has God put on your heart as you have learned what His word states about comforting your children and others in your greater believing community? What has God laid on your heart in your self-evaluation of your parenting attitudes and methods when it comes to comforting? Spend some time in prayer considering these two questions. Psalm 139:23-24 might be helpful to pray through:

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

After, I read through the verses about comforting, specifically looking at how Jesus interacted with Mary and Martha in John 11, I was struck by how compassionate He was with them, how He gently spoke of His sovereignty over the situation and how He sincerely mourned with them in tears. If you were convicted of falling short in the area of comforting, spend some time in prayer. Repent of any areas of sin. Ask for wisdom and discernment in areas of immaturity. Ask for help to grow and believe God’s gospel promises that He died for any sins you are convicted of and is making you (a process) complete in Christlikeness.
God calls us to biblically comfort our children in hard times concerning the hard topics. He has given you everything you need in His word and through prayer to disciple your discouraged child’s heart well. Biblical comfort looks a lot like “standing on the promises of God” as the old hymn states. Biblical comfort looks a lot like remembering who we belong to and what He is capable of. Biblical comfort looks a lot like remembering our future hope.
In the next week, try some of the following ideas to help before, during and after comforting your children:
- Before:
  - Pray for compassion and gentleness as you speak the truth in love.
  - Pray this Prayer of Comfort an excerpt from my free A Guide to Praying for Your Children in Suffering (click on the link for access to the whole guide):
    Heavenly Father, I lift up ________________(child) to you. You know how deeply I love him/her. I pray that s/he may know you as “the God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). May___________(child) intimately know that “nothing can separate” him/her “from the love of Christ” (Romans 8:35). May ___________(child) be aware of Your constant presence and that s/he is led and held by You (Psalm 139:7-12). May___________(child) understand that Jesus, too, suffered (1 Peter 3:18), and that He truly understands his/her suffering. Heavenly Father, may __________(child) perceive Your comfort, Your presence, Your love today.
  - Find a key Bible verse or two to talk and pray through with your child that addresses the subject you want to comfort them with. The verses in the above prayer might help or Psalm 23.
  - If this is a time where you need comfort too. Consider listening to a song like:
    Faithful by Sarah Reeves if you need to be reminded of who God is.
    Sweet Comfort by Sandra McCracken if you need your own time to grieve.
- During:
  - Begin your time with your child letting them know of the great love you have for them. Consider: looking them in the eyes (possibly getting down on their level if they are smaller), holding their hand, putting an arm around them as you talk with them. Create an atmosphere of intimacy and care. (If your child has different needs when it comes to physical touch, think on how they receive love well, and express it in that manner).
  - Listen to a worship song together, especially one that speaks of who God is, specifically, His presence and His sovereignty. Here are a couple:
    For younger kids: Here’s a worship song on Psalm 23.
    For teens, letting them know they can bring
    all of their hard to answer questions to God: Why
    God by Austin French
  - Pray with you child asking God to help you both be comforted. Invite them to pray, but don’t demand it.
  - Talk through your key verse or verses:
  - Read out loud or have your child read it.
    - One key passage you could work through is
      Psalm 23:
      - Here’s an animated poem explaining Psalm 23, simply for kids. My kids loved it.
  - Ask them what they think the verse or passage means.
  - Explain to them why you thought it would comfort them.
  - Ask them what area of their life they need comfort or encouragement in right now. Their area discouragement may not be what you thought it was or their maybe additional areas of discouragement.
  - Provide gospel hope in their area of discouragement. We often talk, in our home, about how God uses hard things to make us like Jesus and how there will be no more suffering in heaven. Dream together about what heaven will be like.
  - Acknowledge that when it comes to hard “why” questions, we don’t have all the answers, but we do have a God we can run to with our kids by our side. Go to Him together. Bring your emotions and doubts. He can handle it. He offers His presence during the hard times. We can trust Him when we don’t understand.
  - End your time with your child letting them know of the great love you have for them. Consider: looking them in the eyes (possibly getting down on their level if they are smaller) and giving them a big hug.
- After:
  - Check in with your child from time to time: ask them how they think they are doing. Ask them if you can pray for them when you see them discouraged.
  - Praise the work of God in them when you see them remembering God’s promises during this hard time.
  - Repetition is a huge part of parenting. Expect to go through this process more than once.

The next post in the Biblical Topics Toolkit will continue to walk through the Discerning What Our Kid Needs Series addressing how we can Biblically support our children in their weaknesses.

*Resources used for reference: www.blueletterbible.org (Including, Strong’s, Vine’s Expository Dictionary, Thayer’s Greek Lexicon).