Discerning Our Kids Needs Series
Understanding the Concept of Warning in Scripture:
Last week, in 1 Thessalonians 5:14 we saw that Paul urge’s us to warn the unruly. The word unruly can also be translated as insubordinate or someone who isn’t following a rule. The idea behind this word is a disorderliness that looks like soldiers that are out of ranks. The word warn is also translated admonish or exhort in some Bibles. This warning is based on instruction that considers what the individual is doing wrong. It literally means “to put in mind” and could be translated caution gently.
Paul uses the word warn eight times in the New Testament. Those seven other uses of the same word help us get a clearer picture of what our warning should resemble. Here is a list of them with a brief explanation:
Warning should be occurring regularly. In Acts 20:31, Paul does it “night and day.”
It’s a “one another” command. This means, it’s something we do in community with other believers. (Romans 15:14 & Col. 3:16).
Warning is not shaming others. Paul clarifies this in 1 Corinthians 4:14. The word shame here means to have no respect or regard for another. Within this meaning there is a sense that when our disregard or lack of respect occurs it turns the individual against themselves.
It is an appropriate aspect of preaching and all Christians participate in it so that fellow Christians will be “perfect in Christ.” (Colossians 1:28).
In order to be equipped to warn, we need scripture to “dwell richly” in us. It can look like worship in “psalms, hymns, spiritual songs” sung “with grace to the Lord.” (Col. 3:16).
Warning is part of the role of leaders in the church. (1 Thessalonians 5:12).
Warning is lived out with an attitude where we don’t look at fellow Christians as enemies but as siblings in Christ.(2 Thessalonians 3:15).
Evaluating Our Parenting Attitude:
1. Do I have a disrespectful or shaming attitude when I do warn that tempts my children to turn on themselves instead of seeing themselves as being made in the image God? (The difference in shaming and warning is that shaming communicates that a child is devalued because of the sin or immaturity they are struggling with. Warning, on the other hand, communicates a wrongdoing that is occurring in their life, and that trouble may lay ahead if the wrongdoing persists. It like the verbal version of a caution road sign that alerts us to watch out, take care, be on alert. There may be trouble ahead. We warn because, in love, we want them to navigate the potential trouble and not be harmed.)
2. Do I warn with an attitude that promotes flourishing in the heart of my child so that they may be growing to be “perfect in Christ”? Do I warn helping my child to understand that growing in Christlikeness is a process?
3. Do I have a worshipful attitude towards God as I warn my child?
4. Does my heart display an attitude that regards my child as a fellow sibling in the body of Christ or does my attitude treat them more like an opponent or a villain?
Evaluating Our Parenting Methods:
1. Is warning a regular part of my parenting? Why do I think this is/isn’t occurring in my life?
2. Do I participate in warning as a community activity with other believers? Do I receive warning humbly through the preaching, leadership and fellow brothers and sisters of Christ in my church? Why do I think this is/isn’t happening in my life?
3. Is my warning of my children informed by scripture because I am regularly dwelling richly in His word?
4. Have I ever used worship songs as a tool to help to warn my children? Songs that show who God is and the importance of obedience or growth?
Bringing it Home:
What has God put on your heart as you have learned what His word states about warning your children and others in your greater believing community? What has God laid on your heart in your self-evaluation of your parenting attitudes and methods when it comes to warning? Spend some time in prayer considering these two questions. Psalm 139:23-24 might be helpful to pray through:
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
After, I read through the verses about warning, what came to mind was how Jesus interacted with others. He wasn’t afraid to be firm, and truthful. However, He was also gentle and compassionate. If you were convicted of falling short in the area of warning, spend some time in prayer. Repent of any areas of sin. Ask for wisdom and discernment in areas of immaturity. Ask for help to grow and believe God’s gospel promises that He died for any sins you are convicted of and is making you (a process) complete in Christlikeness.
Often, we can go to two extremes when we warn: avoidance or harshness & condemnation. In the next week, try some of the following ideas to help before, during and after warning your children:
Before:
Pray for gentleness, firm and loving truth speaking as you interact with your child. Psalm 19:12-14 are great verses to pray through beforehand.
Listen to a song that praises who God is to orient you to whose rules/standards you are trying to uphold in your home. I often find that remembering who God is before I interact with others is helpful. This is a song that reorients my heart: How Great Is Our God by Chris Tomlin
Find a key Bible verse or two to talk and pray through with your child that addresses the subject you want to warn them about.
During:
Begin your time with your child letting them know of the great love you have for them. Consider: looking them in the eyes (possibly getting down on their level if they are smaller), holding their hand, putting an arm around them as you talk with them. Create an atmosphere of intimacy and care. (If your child has different needs when it comes to physical touch, think on how they receive love well, and express it in that manner).
Listen to a worship song together, especially one that speaks of who God is. Here is a good kid version of How Great Is Our God (This has diverse elementary aged kids singing together, in various beautiful outdoor locations, and seasons. My kids like how they each write a different name of God on a chalkboard.)
Pray with you child asking God to help you both speak kindly and honestly with each other. Invite them to pray, but don’t demand it.
Talk through the key verse or verses you chose beforehand:
Read out loud or have your child read it.
Ask them what they think the verse means and clarify misunderstandings.
Explain to them your concern and warn them.
Ask them what they think in their life has caused you to be troubled about the subject you are confronting them on.
Provided gospel hope for the concern.
If an issue of immaturity: God promises to keep growing us to maturity in Him.
If an issue of sin: God promises salvation to those who believe and to make us complete.
Pray with your child inviting the to join you.
If your child is convicted of sin, have them repent, asking for forgiveness (from God first and then later with others if their sin is a relational one), help to change with God’s enabling, and thanksgiving for salvation and God’s ability to work in us to make us more like Jesus.
If your child is not a believer, present the gospel to them, explaining that the sin they are/aren’t convicted of has been paid by the death of Jesus. Pray with your child for their heart & head understanding of the one time and continuous work of the gospel.
If your child is not convicted, but sin exists in this area of concern. Pray for conviction or agreeing with God about their sin.
If your child is struggling in area of immaturity, pray for wisdom, discernment and growth in this area.
End your time with your child letting the know of the great love you have for them. Consider: looking them in the eyes (possibly getting down on their level if they are smaller) and giving them a big hug.
After
Check in with your child from time to time. Ask them how they think they are doing in the area of struggle and if you can pray for them when you see it pop again.
Praise the work of God in them when you see growth in the area you warned them about.
Repetition is a huge part of parenting. Expect to go through this process more than once.
The next post in the Biblical Topics Toolkit will continue to walk through the Discerning What Our Kid Needs Series addressing what Biblically comforting our children look like when they are discouraged.
*Resources used for reference: www.blueletterbible.org (Including, Strong’s, Vine’s Expository Dictionary, Thayer’s Greek Lexicon).