What is The Root of Parenting Well?
What Little Eyes See
Each day our children are watching us. We see it in the silly ways they mimic us in word or actions. Social media is full of recorded moments where little children copy what their parents say or do. I recall when my second oldest was in her early elementary years, she had picked up a new phrase and I mentioned it to a close mom friend of mine. I giggled over the fact that she started so many sentences with this phrase. Like Oscar in The Office she would state, “Actually” before affirming something she knew. However, she was beginning to overuse it. My friend looked at me and asserted, “Well, you know she gets that from, right?” implying that I said this phrase all the time. I looked at her incredulously. Did I really say this all the time too? I honestly didn’t recall using that word a lot. Like so many other times when something is brought to our attention for the first time, I couldn’t unsee or in my case unhear that word. I suddenly heard myself saying it ALL OF THE TIME. How had I not noticed this before? My daughter had caught my example of language and was using it.
We often think that the most effective tool in our parenting is our teaching as we prepare devotionals, lessons, correct wrong thinking with God’s word and recite gospel’s truths. Indeed, they are very good things. What is better is our example. This is what sticks in our kids’ hearts and minds. However, what occurs when our example is not wrapped in our love of God? Our greatest tool in our parenting toolbox is the way we live out our love for God before our children. If I want to teach my child about forgiveness, I must be forgiving. If I want to teach my child about worshipping, I must worship. If I want my child to learn how to read the Bible, I must be a regular reader of the Bible. If I want all that my child is to be rooted in loving God, I must love God. If we don’t live out our love to God, we are a clanging gong. Whatever we are doing each day will be a picture to our children of what it looks like to love God and others. It will be their example of how to live a Godward life. That growing love for God will enable us to parent well because from it will pour love for our children.
The Example of Our Good Father
Maybe, like me, this thought feels overwhelming to you, a weighty task to be the first and most influential example of faith in the life of your child. After all, the greatest commandment is “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength,” and a close second is “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:30-31). More specifically, we are urged to love our children (Titus 2:4). How exactly do we faithfully show our kids that when we know, as sinners ourselves, we can be such poor examples of love? There is hope! We have a faithful example of parenting in our Good Father who calls us sons and daughters. He lives out true love. When we “set the Lord always before us” (Psalm 16:8) we see His picture-perfect model of parenting that balances love, discipline, compassion, correction and so much more. Setting the Lord before us is all about pursuit and intentionality. It is a chasing after God. It is remembering that God is always in the room with us, that is both our comforter and a form of accountability.
The Example of Other Believers
We also find hope and encouragement in the example of other believers who “spur us on to love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24). These models of faith can be current individuals in our lives or those from the past. One such believer is Elizabeth Prentiss who was an author, wife, daughter of a pastor and mother. She was very sickly for most of her life. After losing her two children, she wrote the familiar hymn, “More Love to Thee, O Christ!” Verse 1 states, “More love, to Thee, O Christ, more love to Thee! Here Thou the prayer I make on bended knee. This is my earnest plea: More love O Christ, to Thee; more love to Thee, more love to Thee!” The verses that follow speak of how she pursued the wrong things and how hard circumstances do good work in our hearts. We, also, see her dependence on God as she calls on Him in prayer. In other writings she expresses that she knew her children were “lent” to her by God and that
“God will never place us in any position in which we cannot grow. We may fancy that that He does. We may fear we are so impeded by fretting, petty cares that we are gaining nothing; but when we are not sending any branches upward, we may be sending roots downward. Perhaps, in our time of humiliation, when everything seems a failure, we are making the best kind of progress.”
Elizabeth knew that her children are ultimately not her own, but God’s. She knows that her circumstances, whatever they may be, are appointed to her by God for her good. Most importantly, she knows that priority number one in her life is not being the perfect parent but growing in loving her God zealously.
The Root of Parenting Well
Where do these words find you today as you strive to live out your love for God before your children? Do you feel the flutter of the new life in you as a first-time mom? Does your heart swell and ache a little every time you look at that little boy who was born of someone else’s womb, has suffered much, but sits playing on your floor? Do you worry how your kid will turn out due to their poor choices? Are you weary because little people need you in the middle of the night? Do you wonder how you are going to be both mom and dad now that you are parenting alone? Has your child suddenly turned into an adult and you’re wondering when to say something and when to hold your tongue? Whatever circumstances you find yourself in, God has you in them to grow, know that He hears your prayers, know that His promises are true and know that He is near. Like Elizabeth allow the root growth of loving God do its work. Let those roots of love toward God grow strong so that they may sustain the branch growth of loving your children well. Let your life circumstances do the good work of pushing you to your knees, before your God where you cry out, “Help me love you more, Jesus!” While your down there, invite your child to your side and cry out for help to love Him better, together.
Bringing it Home
Think and pray through how you can you love God better today.
Consider writing Him a love letter or Valentine.
Sing a song of praise to Him.
Read His word to get to know Him a little better; Dig to discover who He is and what He has done.
Invite your children to do any of these with you.
*Resources used for reference: www.blueletterbible.org (Including, Strong’s, Vine’s Expository Dictionary, Thayer’s Greek Lexicon).