Faith Lessons Through Cancer
She walked up to the stairs that led to the mic briskly. She was nervous, not for all the reasons people are usually nervous when they are in front of a crowd. Instead, her mind was full of self-talk that sounded a lot like an aerobics instructor, “Lead with your left leg”, “Slow and steady”, “One leg at a time” and finally, “Ok, good job, you’re done with the hard part.” A sigh of relief pushed through her lips; she hadn’t stumbled in front of everyone as she had feared. A few strides later, she was facing the mic. She took a deep breath reminding herself that the most important aspect of this moment were the words she was about to read. She pushed away anxious thoughts about navigating the same stairs on the way back to her seat. She said a quick prayer in her mind “Let us understand these words as You intended Lord” and began to read. There was a hint of a smile as memories of these verses read in different circumstances across the years came to mind. As she finished and turned from the podium, the worship leader’s sturdy frame moved into view and he offered her his arm. This simple gesture felt like a bear hug in her heart. She gladly took it, walking down the stairs assuredly because of the aid offered on toward the row where her husband and children sat grinning. As the music began and the voices rose together, tears came to her eyes. Her heart pounded with love for this body of believers. Her youngest asked her if the tears were happy tears, and she smiled and nodded. “Because he helped you, Momma?” she said. “Yes, because he helped me when I was weak.” She whispered. Her husband instinctively knew she would be anxious about walking down the stairs with her still healing, weak leg. He had asked the worship leader to help support her. It was a simple act of service between a brother and sister in Christ made possible because he knew her weakness.
Parents are in the business of protecting their kids. We pull them close or push them out of harm’s way. We want them to know that they are safe, and not feel anxious. Sometimes, we think it is our job to protect them from things about ourselves. One of those things is our own weaknesses. Displaying our weaknesses won’t undermine our authority, upend their world so they feel unsafe or cause them to worry. Rather, the knowledge of our limitedness, when framed well, helps point our children to where our true security is found. Who sustains, upholds, and is always faithful? It’s not mom and dad, it’s Jesus. We get to declare, “Look at how mighty Jesus is in my weakness!”
Before we can get to a place of boasting in our weakness to call attention to God, we need to stop avoiding our weakness. Avoidance can look like plain old denial or it can be found in the defeatist attitude of “I just can’t do it!” It’s not that this thought is wrong, but that it is often incomplete. It takes true courage to come face to face with our weaknesses, naming them accurately. The first question we ask ourselves is whether we cannot actually do it? There will situations when this is literally true. We have sincerely lost an ability or a resource that was formerly at our disposal. If we find ourselves in this position, the role of lament is integral for our healing, and acceptance of this loss. (This post may help with that). The other possibility is that we need to finish our incomplete thought when we grumble in exasperation, “I just can’t do it!” Name your full frustration and the need that accompanies it.
I just can’t do it… alone. Do I need to ask for help?
I just can’t do it…now. Is my weakness temporary, and am I being impatiently ungracious with my God given current limitations? Do I need rest and to try again later today or tomorrow?
I just can’t do it…without making mistakes. Do I need to be okay with being a beginner?
I just can’t do it…the way I want to. Do I need to try to be flexible with my plan A and try God’s plan B, C, or Z? Is there something I’m missing that hearing another perspective would be beneficial?
I just can’t do it…without feeling upset. Do I need to lament the sincere grief/loss I have experienced before continuing with today’s next steps?
When we grant others (including our children) access to our weaknesses and are honest about it inwardly it changes us and our relationships. We begin by feeling like something was stolen from us. The loss overwhelms us. We wrestle with the truth about our weakness before God. What if we saw weakness not just as loss, but as the creation of possible opportunity? With time, we can come to see a weakness as a gift because of the opportunities it creates. First, it provides an opportunity for us, personally, and with our children to run to the sure foundation, Jesus himself. We have the high privilege of casting our burdens on Jesus and relying on Him for strength together as a family.
Internally, when I confronted my weakness and admitted my neediness, my faith in God increased because I had a more accurate picture of myself. During this time of suffering, my physical weaknesses became a daily metaphor of my spiritual weaknesses. Like my leg, portions of my heart needed radical amputation, replacement, healing, and rehab. Matthew 5:3 states “blessed are the poor in spirit”. A former pastor of mine, Keith Doyle, once explained it this way in a sermon, “Blessed are those who realize they are spiritually bankrupt.” God had used my physical reality as a sort of living parable in my life. Daily, it was etched on my heart that it wasn’t just my physical body that needed renovation. When I was physically weak, God reminded me that physical fortitude was good, but spiritual fortitude was better. I needed God’s gospel promises to produce something in me that was spiritually sound. I had no resources to do it on my own.
Second, showing others our weakness gives others an opportunity to do in love what we cannot do for ourselves. We get to be one-anothered. Our kids get a picture of what the church (themselves included) looks like when our weaknesses aren’t hidden. It’s like our life is a picture book and they get to see how the Author transforms hard things into an opportunity for loving fellowship between brothers and sisters in Christ.
Paul boasts in his weakness because it one of the ways Christ’s power is displayed in him. How is Christ’s power perfected in our weakness? Could it be that we get to put the power of Jesus on display communally? Often, we look at verses through the lens of what they have to say about us as an individual. When I boast in my weakness as Paul did, I can magnify God’s grace and power in my life. Jeremiah 9:23 & 24 declares that our boasting should be “in the Lord” and nothing else. My physical limitations highlight God’s limitlessness. All my weaknesses further highlight His perfect attributes. My limited body is an exhibition of these truths: We are debilitatingly weak and when we are, He is tenaciously strong. My weakness displayed God’s glory. My weakness broadcasts to my heart the necessity for God dependence, participation in true fellowship, an honest look at my spiritual limitations and His limitlessness. This is the good work of weakness. May it keep driving me to Him, others to Him and all of us toward the good work of one-anothering.
*Resources used for reference: www.blueletterbible.org (Including, Strong’s, Vine’s Expository Dictionary, Thayer’s Greek Lexicon).