Faith Lessons Through Cancer
Many of us have been there, haven’t we? When the job is lost and we aren’t sure how we’ll pay the bills or the necessary medical procedures result in overwhelming debt, when the disease threatens our life and we eek out insufficient energy to start and finish each day, when betrayal in a relationship turns our world upside down or when we lose someone we love deeply and grief overwhelms us, in each of these situations our life shifts into something noticeably different. We often give it the term “survival mode.” Though the circumstances vary, we all go through a process, of sorts, where we lay aside the less essential, hold fast to the highest priorities and simply try to make our way through the dense fog of financial hardship, illness and treatments, emotional healing from hurt or loss and many other forms of suffering.
How does one wade through that thick fog? Some will quip “one day, one moment, one decision at a time” with the understanding that it is a slow process that requires a focus on your short game. They aren’t wrong. There is some truth to that. We can only do what we can do in each minute that we live in.
Let’s propose something else though because while life in survival mode may mean I have to lay many things aside to focus on the priority of a meaningful few, and while survival mode may look like taking each moment as it comes, it is also not just about my methods, actions or doing, but profoundly much more about who I will be. This heavy decision about who I will be takes place in my heart over and over again during my time of survival mode. It comes down to this simple question: will I be bitter, or will I be deeply dependent on God?
This question will sound harsh to some, but let’s be clear. There is plenty of room before God for strong, sincere emotions around grief, doubt, and lament. We can follow our great God who is boundless in faithfulness as we navigate a range of emotions before Him. We can be on guard so that as we navigate those feelings, we don’t slide into bitterness that rots us from the inside out. We can surrender our circumstances to Him so that our faith is rooted in reliance upon Him. Psalm 73:21&22 describes bitterness this way, “When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you.” Those words brutish, ignorant and like a beast clarify how suffering tempts us to interact with God in a manner that is not true to the nature of our relationship with God. We relate to God as if we are not in intimate loving fellowship with Him, but are, rather, His enemies. These terms sound like a caged animal, don’t they? This brute is unhappy about their circumstances and lashes out toward God. I have been this person. Have you? I have let the seed of bitterness grow in my heart until my mouth was dripping with prideful anger and irritation that lashed out at God and others. Bitterness can change people that are hurting into people that hurt. Bitterness is a heart disease that attempts to find comfort in unrighteous anger instead of the comfort God provides. I’ve been that person as I looked in disgust at the new unwanted form of my body during surgery, cancer, chemo and rehabilitation. I have felt the anger that presumes a strong, healthy, normally functioning body is what is best for me in this life. I’ve let God know a thing or to about how I feel concerning His sovereign plan for me this side of heaven. This bitterness regarding my lot in life did not serve me well. It poisoned my mind into believing lies about my body and God. I knew I needed to do battle with it.
In survival mode, we flourish when we push away this animal like bitterness, exchanging it for dependence on God in those little moments, next right decisions, or daily steps. Deep dependence looks like remembering God’s intimate hand holding presence (Psalm 73:23). Deep dependence quickly runs to the counsel He gives in His word (Psalm 73:24). Deep dependence declares that God is our greatest resource and desire (Psalm73:25). Deep dependence cries out to God for His enabling power (Psalm73:26). Deep dependence considers God’s presence good (Psalm 73:28). Deep dependence considers God his/her refuge because of His sovereignty (Psalm 73:28). Deep dependence tells others of God’s works (Psalm 73:28). Those that God has allowed in our sphere of influence take notice when we engage in deep dependence in God. We begin to hear these comments: “you’re so strong”, “I don’t how you do it”, “I couldn’t handle that!”
In my own experience, these comments made me uncomfortable, until I realized that they were gospel opportunities. Truly, we have the privilege to “know him” and make him known (John 17:3). We respond in two key ways: honesty and deflection. First, we tell them candidly that we aren’t strong, we are weak, it’s hard/not easy, we’re struggling to handle it and that we have all kinds of emotions we are navigating. We make it clear that we, in of ourselves, cannot bear up under this weight. We give credit where credit is due deflecting all glory to God. We clarify that the strength they see in us, that character they think we’ve mastered, or our hopeful attitude is God in us. This is how we live out the “but God” of scripture where over and over again we see that we can’t manage hard circumstances or our sinful hearts, “but God” can. We show them Christ IN us.
Let’s remember that bitterness won’t serve us well. Let’s trade the bitterness we are tempted to succumb to moment by moment for deep dependence on God. Let’s exclaim like the Psalmist in 73 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” When we do, we are telling of God’s good work in our lives just as the Psalmist does in the conclusion of 73. When we exchange bitterness for deep dependence on God, we become believers who can truly comfort others in hardship because we have experienced the comfort of God through His presence, His word, His power, and His sovereignty. Deep dependence on God opens a window to others so that they may see how God is at work in us in all circumstances.
Questions for Reflection:
1. What aspect of your life are you tempted to be bitter in? Where in your life do you see that your response to God is brutish? Ignorant? Beast like?
2. Using Psalm 73, complete the following to fortify deep dependence on God:
a. Read verse 23. Close your eyes and imagine God’s hand holding presence. Think through your five senses (sight, taste, touch, sound, smell). If Jesus was holding your hand right now, what would you experience with those five senses? How would this be a comfort to you?
b. Read verse 24. Choose one or two verses from scripture that are the counsel you need to be reminded of in your current circumstances. Write them down on a 3x5 card. Place them prominently in areas of your home/car where you will see them regularly. Each time you see them read them out loud to yourself and pray through them in times where you are tempted to be bitter.
c. Read verse 25. Make a list of the type of resource God is for you. (It might help to think through His attributes/character/divine work and how it relates to your life personally). Read through that list and take an honest look. Do you truly desire these in your life? Mark the traits you are struggling to believe right now.
d. Read verse 26. Cry out to God for His enabling power that you might persevere through this hardship and grow in Christlikeness. In prayer, ask for His power to strengthen your faith for those items you marked in step c.
e. Read verse 28. Consider how God’s presence has ministered to you before or to others you know.
f. Read verse 28. Think about the idea of God as a refuge. What does a refuge look like? Why does one take shelter in it? Why would God being sovereign help you to take refuge in Him?
g. Read verse 28. What was one work of God in your current circumstances that you can share with someone? Tell them today!
*Resources used for reference: www.blueletterbible.org (Including, Strong’s, Vine’s Expository Dictionary, Thayer’s Greek Lexicon).