Preparing for the New Year Series
It’s that time of year again where we start thinking about what the next year holds. In our planning and goal setting, we usually aim high and have a heart attitude that is full of hope. The new year lays before us clean and shiny, full of possibilities. The circumstances of a pandemic, political strife and other hardships in 2020 have us feeling like life is a little heavier, like maybe our aim should be lowered, our heart attitude a little more prepared for disappointment and resigned to the fact that there will be less possibilities. I know in the quiet of my mind I am bent toward a focus that is a little more “realistic” than normally would be as I think through plans for 2021. My brain began by wondering how I was going to trust God with this unknown future. Then, sheepishly, those thoughts dissolved because my future has always been unknown to me. There is the rub, friends, to me means that there is a part of me that foolishly wants to rival God with control over my life. What blessed assurance to know that my future is not unknown to Him! Unfortunately, this is not the first time I have struggled with this way of thinking and had the Holy Spirit remind me of its foolishness.
A good example of where this thinking has cropped up in my life is the future state of my health. For the last two years, I have been regularly reminded of my mortality every 3 months. It’s a part of the routine of someone who had had osteosarcoma, a bone cancer. I head into the hospital to receive a PET scan of my whole body and a CT of my lungs. They are looking for evidence of a recurrence which, statistically, is high for my brand of cancer. They scan the whole body because it could come back in any bone. They check out my lungs because if it metastasizes to there, it’s, likely, a worst-case scenario situation. The good news is that these scans have been clear for two years. The difficult part is that I only have a new lease on life for three more months. I’m always going to have to be tested, for the rest of my life. Since I have hit the two-year mark, my testing cycle moves to every four months for a year, then every 6 months for two years, and, finally, yearly until God takes me home to be with Him. Some cancer’s work in such a way that the patient can go into remission. Others, like mine, don’t have that finality. Every scan, I’m waiting to hear the words “no sign of disease”.
For the most part, I haven’t struggled too much with fear at each of these scans. The technicians, nurses and doctors are some of the best in the country. They are good, kind, hardworking people who always make me feel comfortable. They make an uncomfortable situation as easy as they can. This last scan felt heavier than usual. I was overwhelmingly sad that I was going to have to do this forever. I could see how God had helped me to not be anxious, so that it was not in the forefront of my mind. This did not mean there wasn’t a struggle. The conflict in my heart wasn’t over fear, but over trust because I was never going to be a person who could move on. The reality is that cancer can never be eliminated as a possibility in my life. I was a little fed up with this. As a result, I have to regularly lay this circumstance at the feet of Jesus, and preach to my own heart in whispers “Your will be done, Lord. I trust your sovereignty over my life. I relinquish my desire for control or answers.” This continues to be something I have to work through from time to time. Each moment I come to this point, there is a determination that looks a lot like surrender. This surrender isn’t resignation, it’s a battle that must be fought with God’s enabling. It concludes with accepting that if this is my lot in life, I am going to keep living as if the cancer isn’t going to come back until I know otherwise and while I have breath in my lungs it is going to be for the glory of God.
This struggle in my heart reminds me of John 6. Here, Jesus has been performing miracles including walking on water and feeding the 5,000. He is teaching to the crowds, and even the disciples think some of what He is teaching is “hard.” The people are asking for more miracles. He responds by emphasizing their spiritual needs over their physical needs. This calls them out on following Him because He has been providing for their physical needs. He then affirms that no one can come to Him unless granted by the Father. Many of His followers respond by no longer following Him. Jesus turns to the disciples and pointedly asks them if they want to leave too. Peter’s response begins with a rhetorical question,
““Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.””
I am just like those disciples, aren’t you, at times? Following God to meet our temporary, physical needs, remembering His truths in His word and feeling like concepts such as His absolute sovereignty are hard, asking God for the miracle of our finite minds to know the future and then the fleeting thought of leaving this faith. Suddenly, my heart remembers that there is nowhere else to go and this is not in despondency. Rather, a seed of hope is reignited because belief has us remembering that we know Jesus is the only Holy One. Our hearts swell at the knowledge that this Holy One knows what is best for us, even our future.
Here’s a call, a call to relinquish 2021 into the very capable hands of the Holy One, a call to remember that we have never been in control of the future whether it holds the end of this pandemic or cancer reoccurrence. This is a call to trust that Jesus is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do. It will be for His glory and for His good. It, will often look nothing like how we would imagine it. As fellow writer Mindy Larsen shared,
““Living with unknowns is not a punishment—it’s an opportunity to relinquish control and place our trust in the One who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine.” ”
May we have tenacious confidence in His perfect, infinite, imagination for 2021 instead of our own.
Questions for Reflection
1. What are your worst-case scenarios for 2021. Make a list. Take time to verbalize in prayer God’s control over each of these.
2. What are the hard scriptural truths that you struggled to believe in 2020?
3. Make a list of the character of God. Think through how His character addresses each item on your list for question number one.
4. What temporary benefits of following God are you tempted to focus on instead of eternal ones?
5. Spend some time in prayer with what has come to light as you have answered these questions. Is there something you need to surrender into His capable hands? Take some time to imagine what your perfect, powerful, infinite God can do in 2021.
*Resources used for reference: www.blueletterbible.org (Including, Strong’s, Vine’s Expository Dictionary, Thayer’s Greek Lexicon) and the ESV Bible translation.