His lips slowly transformed into a Cheshire Cat grin the further he pushed his fingers into the damp soil. He pulled his hands out and replanted them again and again. It was Spring and we were weeding a flowerbed behind our garage in the cool Midwest air. For an afternoon, we exhausted our arm strength as the sun on our backs or in our eyes almost allowed us to pretend it was summer. As we kneeled and pulled out the unwanted vegetation our bodies curled into balls like potato bugs do when they are frightened. We finished weeding and turned up the soil, dug holes, and buried seeds and the roots of seedlings into the ground. He asked so many questions as four-year-old’s often do. I answered, covering the subjects of all the bugs he spotted, how the soil was full of food for the flowers we were planting and what made seeds and plants grow. I reminded him it would take a long time for the seeds to come up. He asked if he could check them every day. I nodded my head and told him he could be the lookout for when the plant stopped hiding in the ground from us. He giggled and said, “Like hide and seek, Momma?” and then proceeded to run through our backyard taunting me to catch him. I tossed my spade on the ground and chased after him.
Parenting is like tending a garden. There are weeds to be pulled, soil to be turned up, gospel seeds to be planted in the hearts of our children. These seeds are watered with the truth that we speak and live out in front of them. Cultivating a home that influences the heart of our children for Jesus requires our faithfulness, discernment and wisdom. We need to consistently speak and live out truth. We need insight as to whether the moment we are living in with our children is a pulling weeds, planting seeds or watering moment.
How many times have I cried out to God, “Does this child need correction (pulling up weeds), gospel truth (seeds) or reiteration or repetition of gospel truth (water)? Help me to know, what only you know, what their heart needs right now.” The weight of the responsibility of parenting well would weigh me down and I would worry about messing them up. Other times, in frustration, I wouldn’t ask at all, I’d say something like “Suck it up, Christina! Just do your best!”, but my best didn’t feel very good.
I found insight in an unlikely place, a passage in 1 Corinthians 3. In verses 3-9, Paul is addressing a problem in the church at Corinth. Believers have created division in their ranks over what teacher they follow. Some follow Apollos and some claim Paul as their number one teacher. Paul corrects this behavior telling them that they are acting like they aren’t saved, “in the flesh” and then reminds them that both Apollos and he are “servants” that God “assigned to each of them” and “God’s fellow workers.” In doing so, he acknowledges two things. That they really should be claiming Jesus as their number one guy, not His servants and God’s sovereignty was directly involved in how he used both in their lives to draw them to Himself. They had a small view of God and a big view of man.
There, my friends, is where my heart sank with conviction. I, too, had a very small view of God and too large of view of my role as a parent. Of course, I am not stating here that parenting doesn’t matter or isn’t influential in the lives of our children. I am asserting that when my heart gets to a place of exasperation or anxiety, there is something wrong. When I am trudging through hard parenting moments or days trying to pick myself up by my bootstraps as if everything depends on me, there is something wrong. Let’s be clear. Everything does not depend on me. It depends on my number one guy, Jesus.
My only responsibility, like Apollos and Paul, is to be a servant of God. My only responsibility is to “plant” and “water.” My responsibility is not changing my children. This is God’s responsibility. He “gives the growth.” When attitudes of fear or annoyance pop up, I can usually trace them back to the fact that I am believing the lie that I am responsible for the change in their behavior that really begins with a change in their heart. Let go of that burden—the burden of results-based parenting. Lay your desire to change your kids’ hearts into the very capable, strong hands of our sweet Jesus, who can truly change hearts.
Faithfulness in “planting” and “watering” seeds into the minds of our children, that’s a heavy enough responsibility to bear as parents. Let’s place our efforts, creativity and influence focusing on that worthy task. May your home be the rich soil for seeds to grow. May your children dance through the garden of gospel truth planted and tended in your home.
Bringing it Home:
Consider and pray through what lies may be at the heart of your exasperation or fear in parenting. Name the annoyances, and worries, and visualize placing each of them in the hands of God. Verbally surrender each of your children’s growth/change into His capable hands.
Think of one way you can be faithful to plant and water today. Could you pray with your child addressing a misunderstanding about God? Could you read one verse with your child to show the loveliness of Jesus?
Plant a flower/vegetation seed of some kind and place it in a prominent place as a daily physical reminder to you of your planting & watering responsibilities as a parent and God’s responsibility to grow your children.
*Resources used for reference: www.blueletterbible.org (Including, Strong’s, Vine’s Expository Dictionary, Thayer’s Greek Lexicon).